Monday, September 15, 2008

22.

22 doesn't feel different.
I'm still feeling those same lonley issues I was feeling last week.
I don't really know how to change it.
I just don't know how to find my place in life, my social place I guess.
I just feel like it's useless...making and keeping new friends is just SUCKY.
It seems like here....guys don't even bother to look at me. They just more there asses right along to the closest hoodrat switching down the hall way.
This tacky ass poorly sewn in weave isn't even working for me.

Single.
Is starting to work for me.
I just dont want to settle...I've been settling all my life.
Settling never turns out well.
At least not for me.
I'm affraid that if I settle for one that I'm not sure about the same things that have happend to me before will happen again....

Sidenote: When people who smell funny walk past....it's irritating....A LOT of people around here smell funny.

I feel all jumbled up and scattered today...Lots of things on my mind but no where to put them, and nothing to do with them.

Friends are a tricky thing. Lately certain people have been giving off the impression that they only want to be my friend because I am nice, or will do them favors...or at least I seem that way. Most people see, to only want to be friends with people who they can get something out of. I'm tired of having fake friends that only come around when it's time to go out, or when they need a ride.

Tami is NEVER doing my hair again.
I have bad luck with sew ins....But I love myself with long hair. Next time (if there is a next time), I'm not going the cheap route...suck it up, pay the money and love my hair...
Oh the prices we'll pay for beauty.....
Shopping on tuesday....
Still trying to decide if I want to go home this weekend.....

Friday, September 12, 2008

Kind of Hating It.

Sooooooooo.
I'm kind of hating it here at EMU.
I don't know why I thought things would just come easy to me.
Social things....like making friends and having fun.
It's about to be my birthday, and I have no girlfriends to go out and kick it with.
All I have are guy friends, who I met off the internet.
I have no idea what to do.
I feel indequate.
Like if I introduce myself to people they will just laugh at me. So I'm kind of stuk waiting on people to talk to me....
NOT working out so much.
Cameron is great.
BUT that's beside the point.
When does it start to get fun???
WHENNNNNN?
I'm tired of feeling like a loner.
The job isn't helping very much either.
I'm scared, deathly shy....
I just had an entirely different vision of how my social life would be so great.
I know that this is the type of thing that is dendent only on ME.
I have to change it.
I have to make it better.
But how?
These are the types of things that should come with instruction manuals.
Sorority?
no...?
events....?
no...?
Should I just go to parties alone and hope that sum friendly group of females adopts me as one of their friends cuz I look lonely?
no.
How do people really make friends?
By chance?
Do they actually put a conscious effort into the whole friend making thing???
I highly doubt it....BUT you never know.