On My Whatever Shit

un-edited ranting and raving.

Sometimes I really just wanna get on my "yo whatever" shit.
I just really don't give a fuck.
Niggas are always going to let me down so why even bother acting all sweet and nice??
What's the point?
Why bother hiding the attitude and being a sweetheart and a fuckin' lady?
So a dumb ass nigga can think he actually did something by getting in my pants.
What people fail to understand is that women want the dick just as much as men want the pussy.
A nigga will front and lead you on so tough. Especially the ones you meet off the internet.
They are so gassed up that they think they can just flip a switch and like you and cake you all tough, then the next day you don't even matter.
At this very moment I just feel like getting on my yo whatever shit.
That is exactly how i feel.
When a nigga asks me a question...all he gets is whatever.
Stank ass attitude, hand out, not givin a fuck about his feelings.
That's that yo whatever shit.
If I can't get it the nice way. I'm gonna take it my way.

sorry for the ignorance...but...yo...what the fuck ever.

I just want him.
I just want mine.

One man makes me smile and the next brings tears to my eyes. Another makes my jaw tighten with irritation, and then another makes me scream with pleasure yet worries me.
Indecisive isn't the word. When a man can tolerate the stank attitude does it make him the right one. Or does it make him crazy.
New Nigga kept on calling today, I screamed at him, I had an attitude and in return he puts my pictures all over his myspace and crushspot and labels them wifey to be.
Why is it that the ones that we want never want us, and the ones that want us....
we never appreciate until they are gone?

Crushes. Exes

I have no idea how to maintain a healthy and successful relationship.
Admitting it is actually way easier then living it. Sometimes I close my eyes and picture myself married with children. When I open my eyes I'm forced to laugh.
I hate the conversation and the slowness of getting to know some jack ass who will end up not mattering. I hate the way "boys" ask the same questions in the almost the same order. And they all claim they don't want a hood rat or a party whore....but hate when I say I like to just chill at home, I rarely drink, and I won't send "sexy pics" to them. Sometimes it seems like these boyish characters are offended by my intelligence and intimidated by my ways.

As exes come in and out of my life for no apparent reason other then pissing me off, I start to think of how poor of a girlfriend I have been. In the past I've been so sad that I don't have a man. Why??? The trouble and drama that a relationship brings is far to overwhelming for me. I need to be stable and satisfied in my life as it is before I can be stable and satisfied with a man. When in a relationship I want to strive to be the best. Exes are exes for a reason, right? Do people change? I mean really make changes, not just change the way they dress or wear their hair. The quality of my exes ranges from horrible jerks and drug dealers, to hard working men who would of given me the world. I can remember a reason for liking almost all of them and even loving some. While the allure of a fast paced lifestyle and extra cash to blow brought me close to a few, the fantasy of two kids and a white picket fence kept me with others. Now I'm in love with the thought of loving myself and gaining independence. I want and need to be able to provide a good life for myself before I bother with the emotional up keep of a man.

Well. Not Well?

The abundance of reality T.V., junk food, and hap-hazard text messages from random "buddies" is beginning to irritate me. Is summer always a transitional period for those of us who haven't graduated from college?
With the help of my all but sober parents I've finally decided on a major/minor and a location. Stuck on the thought that both my willingness and desire far exceed my ability, I wonder if things will really work out this time? I have come to the conclusion that I am cursed in all areas of my life other then "chillin' " . Family is a misunderstanding, romance is a mystery if not a myth, and money and/or having a large amount and no bills to pay is quite a ridiculous thought. Friendship has never been my strong suit. With the uplifting thought of finishing school and receiving a degree carrying the corners of my mouth into a smile I'm forced into a focused frenzy. With one job and the ongoing search for another I crave busy-ness.
I'm so sick of hiding my interests and being faulted for my thoughts. I was the little educated black girl who liked art and REAL music way before it was cool. Now people want to tie scarves around there necks and wear clothes that actually fit them and believe they are doing something new. I wore my mother's scarves from Paris in the third grade. I'm not a fashonista or a style icon but at least I'm true to myself. I'm happy with myself as work in progress.

That major/minor/location combo from earlier is Public Relations/Creative Writing/ @Eastern Mich. . Plans of being an editor/publisher are in the works.

Where is my Prince Charming?