I have no idea how to maintain a healthy and successful relationship.
Admitting it is actually way easier then living it. Sometimes I close my eyes and picture myself married with children. When I open my eyes I'm forced to laugh.
I hate the conversation and the slowness of getting to know some jack ass who will end up not mattering. I hate the way "boys" ask the same questions in the almost the same order. And they all claim they don't want a hood rat or a party whore....but hate when I say I like to just chill at home, I rarely drink, and I won't send "sexy pics" to them. Sometimes it seems like these boyish characters are offended by my intelligence and intimidated by my ways.
As exes come in and out of my life for no apparent reason other then pissing me off, I start to think of how poor of a girlfriend I have been. In the past I've been so sad that I don't have a man. Why??? The trouble and drama that a relationship brings is far to overwhelming for me. I need to be stable and satisfied in my life as it is before I can be stable and satisfied with a man. When in a relationship I want to strive to be the best. Exes are exes for a reason, right? Do people change? I mean really make changes, not just change the way they dress or wear their hair. The quality of my exes ranges from horrible jerks and drug dealers, to hard working men who would of given me the world. I can remember a reason for liking almost all of them and even loving some. While the allure of a fast paced lifestyle and extra cash to blow brought me close to a few, the fantasy of two kids and a white picket fence kept me with others. Now I'm in love with the thought of loving myself and gaining independence. I want and need to be able to provide a good life for myself before I bother with the emotional up keep of a man.
Admitting it is actually way easier then living it. Sometimes I close my eyes and picture myself married with children. When I open my eyes I'm forced to laugh.
I hate the conversation and the slowness of getting to know some jack ass who will end up not mattering. I hate the way "boys" ask the same questions in the almost the same order. And they all claim they don't want a hood rat or a party whore....but hate when I say I like to just chill at home, I rarely drink, and I won't send "sexy pics" to them. Sometimes it seems like these boyish characters are offended by my intelligence and intimidated by my ways.
As exes come in and out of my life for no apparent reason other then pissing me off, I start to think of how poor of a girlfriend I have been. In the past I've been so sad that I don't have a man. Why??? The trouble and drama that a relationship brings is far to overwhelming for me. I need to be stable and satisfied in my life as it is before I can be stable and satisfied with a man. When in a relationship I want to strive to be the best. Exes are exes for a reason, right? Do people change? I mean really make changes, not just change the way they dress or wear their hair. The quality of my exes ranges from horrible jerks and drug dealers, to hard working men who would of given me the world. I can remember a reason for liking almost all of them and even loving some. While the allure of a fast paced lifestyle and extra cash to blow brought me close to a few, the fantasy of two kids and a white picket fence kept me with others. Now I'm in love with the thought of loving myself and gaining independence. I want and need to be able to provide a good life for myself before I bother with the emotional up keep of a man.
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