Alrighty.
I'm back for the second post of the day, which is quite abnormal for me.
It's Sunday and I'm still sitting at home alone wondering what I should or could be doing.
I used to think that the internet (Myspace, Crushspot and Facebook) were full of potentials.
What a lie.
I'm tired, hungry and lonely.
I don't have anyone to be with, no one to feed me and cuddle me, or tell me that I'm pretty and I smell good.
I'm looking forward to moving away from here as if it's going to be the start of something great, but inside I wonder. Will I make the same mistakes and bade choices that I once made? Will I find myself living with 2 people I hate, and hiding in my room? Will I be hiding from a bad reputation and the evil eyes of bedroom mistakes? I'm so unsure.
Will I be struggling to put on a front and stressing about who might see me doing things I know I shouldn't be doing?
Maybe Nick's advice was correct.
Maybe I'm to available to these fools I encounter on the computer.
Maybe I am to available to everyone. I'm just so scared that the self I think I am isn't the self I should be being.
Does that even make sense?
I'm not sure it does.
Wondering, and wondering, and pondering isn't doing me much justice.
I guess it's just difficult to put it all in perspective.
Who knows what I will do and how things will turn out.
*Random note* I really want to try out my new sparkly black eye shadow.
I really have this fantasy about how things are going to be when I get to school.
topic change.
wants
sidekick lx or slide
new jeans
cute tops
new going out dress
needs
more stuff for my apt
money to pay kay jewelers and express so the stop calling me
money for school books in the fall
to address the wants...
Could I really live with the 3 pairs of jeans I have now?
I'm sure can, but I'd like one or 2 more pairs just to get me through.
Same goes for the tops.
I do need a new going out dress for when I go visit Danielle in Kalamazoo.
OH LORD how I want a new sidekick. Nothing seems that expensive when you have a job. If i find someone to go half on it with me, I'll for sure get it before the summer is over.
the needs....
as far as my apartment goes I would really like to have it seem and be more home-ish. I don't want to be embarrassed to have guests over. I want to feel comfortable and proud with my space. I'm sure I'll have plenty of anxious time to sit and think of crafts and things to spruce my room up with.
(PRAY that I get good roomates)
In my mind I think that once I get a job I'll start to pay Kay's and Express back. That's 2 months down the line tho.
I just don't have the money to do it now, and I don't have the guts to tell my parents.
*thinks about tray and the possibilities there*
We'll see.
I'm going to scavenge for food...and I'm not proof reading this...I'm just gonna hit publish.
Ps. Pray for me...I have a math class this fall.
I'm back for the second post of the day, which is quite abnormal for me.
It's Sunday and I'm still sitting at home alone wondering what I should or could be doing.
I used to think that the internet (Myspace, Crushspot and Facebook) were full of potentials.
What a lie.
I'm tired, hungry and lonely.
I don't have anyone to be with, no one to feed me and cuddle me, or tell me that I'm pretty and I smell good.
I'm looking forward to moving away from here as if it's going to be the start of something great, but inside I wonder. Will I make the same mistakes and bade choices that I once made? Will I find myself living with 2 people I hate, and hiding in my room? Will I be hiding from a bad reputation and the evil eyes of bedroom mistakes? I'm so unsure.
Will I be struggling to put on a front and stressing about who might see me doing things I know I shouldn't be doing?
Maybe Nick's advice was correct.
Maybe I'm to available to these fools I encounter on the computer.
Maybe I am to available to everyone. I'm just so scared that the self I think I am isn't the self I should be being.
Does that even make sense?
I'm not sure it does.
Wondering, and wondering, and pondering isn't doing me much justice.
I guess it's just difficult to put it all in perspective.
Who knows what I will do and how things will turn out.
*Random note* I really want to try out my new sparkly black eye shadow.
I really have this fantasy about how things are going to be when I get to school.
topic change.
wants
sidekick lx or slide
new jeans
cute tops
new going out dress
needs
more stuff for my apt
money to pay kay jewelers and express so the stop calling me
money for school books in the fall
to address the wants...
Could I really live with the 3 pairs of jeans I have now?
I'm sure can, but I'd like one or 2 more pairs just to get me through.
Same goes for the tops.
I do need a new going out dress for when I go visit Danielle in Kalamazoo.
OH LORD how I want a new sidekick. Nothing seems that expensive when you have a job. If i find someone to go half on it with me, I'll for sure get it before the summer is over.
the needs....
as far as my apartment goes I would really like to have it seem and be more home-ish. I don't want to be embarrassed to have guests over. I want to feel comfortable and proud with my space. I'm sure I'll have plenty of anxious time to sit and think of crafts and things to spruce my room up with.
(PRAY that I get good roomates)
In my mind I think that once I get a job I'll start to pay Kay's and Express back. That's 2 months down the line tho.
I just don't have the money to do it now, and I don't have the guts to tell my parents.
*thinks about tray and the possibilities there*
We'll see.
I'm going to scavenge for food...and I'm not proof reading this...I'm just gonna hit publish.
Ps. Pray for me...I have a math class this fall.
1 comment:
Will I be struggling to put on a front and stressing about who might see me doing things I know I shouldn't be doing
good point. i too wonder the same. i just try to be true to myself during the process and make sure that i don't do anything that will come back to haunt me, down the line.
i like your blog. a fellow michigander...
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